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The Punchline Summary:

Don’t Flop release one of their surprise battles from the Blood in the Water 5 event: Arkaic vs Bender.  Arkaic is a UK battling veteran, participating in rap battles since there were Jumpoff Street Battles.  He partnered with Kulez in ’07 in the WRC’s and with Eurgh in ’08, making it to the semi-finals, in a controversial battle with Wapps and Juce.  Bender is the King of the Dot’s champ, beating Arcane, who beat The Saurus, for the throne.  Bender travels from Canada to the UK to take part in the great battle.

Bender is one of the best battlers on the scene, so of course he had a lot great lines.  In this battle, he had lines like “child birth – painfully apparent/a parent”, “Wu Tang was the drink for Chinese astronauts”, “you’re the British pop tart, I’m Mark David Chapman”, “6:30 in London….Big Ben hands down”, “you all dyslexic if you see an A&R going after Kaic”, “stargazing like Carl Sagan”, “reciting The Saurus bars he never got to use”, “this ain’t Jumpoff, when you take this L you can’t blame this shit on Harry”, and the  ”freshed squeezed grape by some jocks that look like Respect BA” line.

Being one of the dopest battlers from the UK, Arkaic definitely had bars in this battle.  He used lines like, “whats wrong with you bruv, you want me to get you you’re inhaler”, “Last Airbender”, “you eat cause you’re unhappy and you’re unhappy because you eat”, “when you’re that fat your shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes”, “Eurgh we’ve won more battles in a single day than he had in his whole career”, “I tried raping his mom, but she cooperated”, “two Arc’s back to back ….McDonald’s sign”, “Bender wants to bend Eurgh over a table”, “I’m starting to think you got that name because of how out of shape you are”, “wear a watch on both hands because he’s on two different times zones”, “he can’t even fit in the clothes he wore yesterday”, and “x + y = your best punchline”.

The Punchline Count:

Bender – 14

Arkaic – 14

The Report:

Arkaic has been one of my favorite battlers for years, and its great to see him return to battling after what seemed like years off.  Its also interesting to see him in a written league, when most of his previous battles, he relied mostly on freestyles, which he is well capable of doing.  Arkaic is dope, I mean go back and watch his performances in his battles against Wapps and Juce, the kind of lines he has – just dope. He incredibly intelligent, witty, and can create and drop heavy punchlines on the spot.   I think the funniest line from this battle was Arkaic’s “”you eat cause you’re unhappy and you’re unhappy because you eat” bar, mixed with the freestyled “when you’re that fat your shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes” line.

I still want to see a battle with him and Eurgh, they’ve got a lot history, and I think that battle could even be more entertaining and more personal than Pat Stay – Hollohan.  Arkaic and Sensa would be an amazing battle as well, both are dope, they both can get aggressive, both are extremely smart – it would definitely be a legendary battle. Finally, I think a Arkaic and Loe Pesci battle would be dope as well, Loe’s one of the best writers in the circuit.

Bender, the King of the Dot, keeps showing people why he is just that.  Truth be told, I didn’t pay attention to Bender all that much previously, I kind of wrote him off because he wasn’t in bigger battles in King of the Dot, but the dude is just flat out dope.  He has some of the most sophisticated, thought provoking, and intelligent bars, and clever wordplay out of anyone in KOTD and in most other leagues.  My favorite line from this battle was his “you all dyslexic if you see an A&R going after Kaic” – that’s just fucking dope.  His “6:30 in London….Big Ben hands down” bar was nice too.

A battle that I would really like to see, and I’m not quite sure why, other than it would just be a dope battle, is Bender vs Jonny Storm.  Jonny Storm can murder dudes, even in a 2×2, he can kill both of his opponents (watch any of his 2×2′s from Grizzlemania II – ILL).

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